The man who wanted a motherly love from his wife

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Naren was a successful lawyer based in Kolkata. Being the only child of the family, he was a darling to his mother who showered boundless love and affection upon him. Naren grew up as a perfect ‘ma ka beta’ who loved his mother dearly and vowed to do anything for her.

Naren was brought up by his mother in such a way that he became dependent on her, who helped in his daily routine. Apart from his job and going to the market for grocery shopping, he was naive in doing household chores. The level of dependency became so much that, when she was diagnosed with cancer and died within a year, Naren was utterly devastated.

He felt helpless. His father was also sick and paralyzed. With practically no experience in doing household chores, Naren had to depend on hired maids who gave him nothing but dissatisfaction. After about six months, Naren started to feel awful without the motherly love and care, which he had enjoyed for a full 44 years of his life. He felt very lonely.

He sought his relatives for a solution to his problems of loneliness and discomfort. They advised him to get married as soon as possible. At first, he was a bit skeptical regarding marriage. Being a lawyer, he had fought numerous divorce cases. He had learned about the ugly truths behind household fights and violence. He was terrified of getting married. After much persuasion by his relatives, he finally agreed to it.

Now Naren started looking for his ‘would-be bride’ among the few available ‘patri’ in the city. He was 45 years old. It became a bit difficult to find a suitable bride of ripe age that matched with his.

After a great deal of searching, he found one match which he thought would be suitable for him. His relatives contacted the bride’s father and wished for a face-to-face discussion. A date was fixed, and Naren visited the family with many expectations and a positive attitude.

Naren was handsome, so was Sakshi, a slim, fair-skinned shy woman of age 36. Sakshi did Masters in Economics and was doing a marketing job at a Kolkata-based IT firm. She was determined to continue with her career even after marriage and told Naren about the various other aspects of her life. He shared his details too.

After the initial ‘molakat’, everyone felt the match was perfect. But Sakshi insisted they need to understand each other a little more. And so Naren agreed to do telephonic chats regularly with her. Little did he know that Sakshi wanted to judge him from a different angle. She had not liked certain behavioral traits of this lawyer guy.

And thus began a telephonic ‘alap’ between the two. After three such chats, Sakshi rejected Naren.

What happened between the two that lead to such a radical decision?

Everything seemed fine between the two families. Both were from the same caste and of the right age. The guy was in an established trade and earned well, had a car, and two apartments in posh localities of the city, handsome, well-mannered, and without any bad habits. So what exactly went wrong here? The picture got cleared in the minds of her parents when Sakshi explained it explicitly.

On the very first day, Naren made it clear to Sakshi that he is a no-nonsense type of guy who puts family values above anything else in his life. They talked about each other’s likes and dislikes, which seemed to go on par. Sakshi was quite impressed.

On the second day, Sakshi was excited to discuss future plans with Naren. But to her dismay, Naren paid no heed on those little talks. He was keen on putting more interest in what type of household chores he wants his wife to deliver. He thoroughly explained several times that he likes to have everything in place and on time before he leaves for the court. He wanted his clothes ironed and ready on bed and breakfast on the table by 10 am. He likes his breakfast hot and fresh. He likes to have tea along with luchi and aloo curry, which were among his favorites. After coming back home from the court, which he usually does by 7:30 pm, he would like to be received by his wife at the door and not by the housemaid. He said that he would like to have a hot cup of tea ready as soon as he freshens up. Dinner by 11 pm would be good enough for him. He wants the rooms tip-top clean every day. Of course, Sakshi could use domestic help for this. He further explained that since he was not accustomed to doing household activities so much, he expects his wife would carry out the duties well.

Sakshi was shocked to hear this. She tried to counter-argue by saying that she has a job, and for that, she leaves home by 8:30 am and comes back by 9 pm. It would be impossible to deliver all the tasks which he demanded. Upon hearing this, Naren became agitated. He told her that he doesn’t care about her job. He likes to have what he demands, and after delivering the household tasks, Sakshi has the right to do whatever she wants to do in her life. He even boasted that he earns so much that any woman who would be marrying him need not do a job to earn her living. Sakshi felt humiliated. Her independent ‘swabhimani’ soul revolted against the male chauvinistic attitude of this guy who went on boasting about his earnings and family heritage.

It was not until the third conversion between the two that the actual truth was revealed. For the final time, Sakshi asked him what he was expecting from this marriage, and she got the same answer as before. To her surprise, he added a little more to it. “I am missing my mother, and I want my wife to act like my mother in the family. I want her to do exactly the things my mother used to do for me since childhood,” he said.

Sakshi realized that Naren was not looking for a wife or a soul-mate. He was looking for a woman in his life through whom he could envisage his dead mother. He was longing for motherly love and care and the duties that his mother performed in his life to make it comfortable. He totally misunderstood the relationship between a husband and a wife.

While conversing with Naren, she also noticed that the guy tends to show his ill-temperament whenever her answers were not acceptable to him. Sakshi is a well-educated independent woman, and no such woman would like to marry a guy who has demands like this. Sakshi was looking for a loving and caring husband, a friend for the rest of her life, and not a demanding ill-tempered childish person.

She quickly analyzed and concluded that such a marital relationship would soon become dysfunctional.

Why did Naren behave like this?

The guy had spent a 44-year-old long comfortable life in the safe arms of his mother. We all know that in our male-dominated society guys are taught to take care of outside-the-home matters and are spared from doing household chores. This type of upbringing makes anyone a totally dependent creature who sought for the same comfort through another woman in his life. They refuse to accept the normal relationship that should exist between a husband and wife. Eventually, the husband tends to become a child of his own wife.

Featured Photo by Jayden Yoon on Unsplash

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