Marriage- a blooper in Indian customs?

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I will cover my head and face sometimes if it means so much to you.
But I won’t cover my opinions where it matters

Marriage is a euphoria, which gives butterflies and goosebumps at the same time. There was a time where our society was allowed to live without defining the paternal parent of a child, but with the evolution of the agricultural civilization, institution of marriage became a stable relation. Perhaps it gave rise to monogamy, which somehow creating chaos among the younger generation. Monogamy is- “A girl for every boy, a boy for every girl.” But is it really happening for real? Do we ever realize what is going wrong? Why so many divorce cases, why is it on the rise? Well, the answer is we do not seek for compatibility we aim for looks, financial status, class, stability, caste, sub-caste, etc.

Moreover, we are also ringing bells at the right age. Ohh, well, the right age is what our society and communities decide. We have been focussing on all the irrelevant ideas and neglecting the right philosophy. The idea should be to live together happily and not just hang on together. We, as a society, do not follow what we should follow. Instead, we are carrying a heavy burden made of our past values. Who created these past values? We are the sole creator of these customs, so it can be modified, altered, and evolved.

Our society keeps double standards, we, on the one hand, believe in custom of marriage, rituals, and ceremonies. These ceremonies are a pure meeting of souls. But we are against the two people falling in love (Hello Anti-Romeo Squad). Our so-called elders are so much keen on uniting the two absolute strangers on the name of marriage. But choosing the strangers and meeting them is what we are totally against. Having sex before marriage is a taboo, but having sex on the first night with a stranger is ritual. Over time I realized that I have been living in a society that shelters people who are still judging people based on looks (especially in arranged marriages). Rather our Indian custom of arrange marriage proposal is a gamble running based on complexion and beauty for girls.

On the other hand, boys need to earn more, should have stable jobs. What exactly is this beauty means? I never asked the meaning of being beautiful, but surely from my perspective, it is inner beauty, but for society, it can be inner beauty. This “can” here defines the dilemma existing in society. Well, not to be mistaken for society, in the profession of arranged marriage, beauty is your height, weight, and complexion and if scope left education.

Since my liberal mindset stops me from this gamble, I would say if they select you based on your skin color, which is just a melanin pigment residing inside your body, then surely do they even deserve you? If they are emotionally attached to your skin color to the point that your nature, intelligence, education become secondary considerations, then may be their knowledge is useless. If they cannot reason beyond pretty sentiments, they are a liability to mankind. And do you really want to be chosen by such obligations on mankind?

I never understand these double standards of society. Moreover, marriage is not a custom or a choice. Instead, it is the ultimate aim of life according to our Indian culture. The funniest part is what is necessary to get married, well in other countries love, affection, liking, and bonding, etc. On the other hand, in India, religion, caste, state, color, status, nakshatra, dosha, etc. And if any scope left, couples can look for spark or love.

Moreover, we are brought up this way that even the young mind thinks the same. So basically, I would define marriage as a socially approved alliance and union between two people. It is an institution that is regarded as permanent and involves mutual rights and obligations.

But why is it always about compromising because of society? We as a part of culture face so much pressure; as a kid, we have to score great; going forward, we have to settle with a good job. And then you ultimately reach the prime stage of your life where you have to get married. There is an aging clock constantly ringing over your head. And that’s not the end, if you are married and not having kids, then that is also a question. Societal norms and rituals make you run in the race of life where you cannot get time for yourself.

Well, readers must be thinking that I am against the marriage, No, I am not, being grown up in Indian society. I do have dreams of getting married to romanticized love and affection. But now, having in mind the fact of society, I can be the odd one out breaking the laws and releasing the pressure of finding a soul mate at the right age by any means. What I feel, one should marry when they feel the spark in another person and not when they reach the age. Maybe my mind frame says to me that I should not get hitched with anyone, but poor society won’t allow me for this. If a person is not getting married, that is also questionable and “not normal” in societal language.

And the scariest part is our society decides what the right age of getting married is. Well, for a girl it is 25-28, and for boys, it is 27-30. So for all those who are at this age, start taking the pressure else society will give you a chance of having it. Yes, things have changed from the past, but it requires further modification as well. This tremendous pressure is of no use and will ultimately lead you to the wrong hand. So we do have to stop and think. Let it be a beautiful journey rather than a horrible dream. Eventually, it should be a choice of two souls who have to spend their life together and not the options of their parents.

May be my words are sarcastic, but they are requesting only one thing- “Release the pressure.” Release this pressure of finding Mr. and Mrs. Right, sometimes when you do not seek for something that thing itself asks you.


Featured Image Credits: NBC News

Ayushi Sharma
Ayushi is a research professional working in the field of science and public health. By education she is an anthropologist and completed her studies from Miranda House. She is an ambivert with a defined and skeptical view.

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